Severus' Choice
by pottergeek100
Summary: Basically this is about Severus Snape's thoughts that led to him taking the dark mark. As per usual, will not be happy in the slightest. Mentions of unrequited Severus/Lily, not strictly 'romance'. Spoilers for fourth and fifth books I think.


_**AN: So I am waiting for the replies from some challenges/competitions at the moment so I'm just going to write this to keep me amused! Basically this is a fic about the thoughts of a young Severus Snape, after the "mudblood" incident but before he took the mark. There will be slight hate towards the marauders, but that's just because it's Snape. So enjoy...**_

_**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter then I would not be here writing this, I would be in Florida drinking butterbeer in the wonderful world of Harry Potter.**_

Severus Snape. He was hated by Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs alike. Even the members of his own house were not particularly fond of him because not only was he a half-blood, he was a half-blood with a muggle surname. That alone was enough to shame him slightly in the eyes of his blood purist housemates, and to be honest he was not particularly fond of his last name either. It reminded him of his drunken father, and brought back memories of home that he would rather forget.

It didn't help that one of the few actual friends he'd had was a muggleborn, the thing that his housemates hated only slightly less than muggles. They didn't care that she was one of the smartest witches of her age, and one of the most powerful as well. To them all they saw was Lily's blood status, and nothing else mattered. For five years it hadn't bothered him either, until the day of the Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL.

Severus had just been reading his new book on the Dark Arts (for academic purposes only of course) when the marauders had decided it was time to screw up his day. As usual Potter and Black didn't realize that two against one was not a fair fight, and Lupin was hiding behind his book, trying to ignore the fact his friends were bullies. As for Pettigrew, he was too big an imbecilic to be able to aid in their bullying.

Due to the fact that he was outnumbered and nobody seemed willing to defend him, the marauders had him upside down and were happily amusing themselves by humiliating him, when Lily showed up. Usually he would have been glad to see her, but this time all he could think of was what his housemates would say about him having to be saved by a "mudblood". He'd never meant to call her that but it had slipped out, and it was impossible for him to take it back, to redo time so it'd never happened, no matter how much he wanted to.

So now he was alone. As much as the Slytherins had congratulated him on calling her that and "coming to his senses" they weren't his real friends, not the way Lily was. However now she was refusing to talk to him, or even to see him, despite his many attempts at apologizing. Now his fifth year had ended and sixth year had begun, leaving him with an important decision to make, one that could possibly kill him.

He along with several other Slytherins had been requested to join the Dark Lord and he had until Christmas to run away or take the mark, as refusal would mean death. Several families were old enough and powerful enough to remain neutral without worry of death, but Severus' was not amongst them. So now he would be forced to make a choice, but what choice was it really? The Light would not help him, he was a Slytherin, and his mother came from a Dark family, so they would never trust him.

Basically that left two options, either he became a Death Eater, or he would die for failing to do what was ordered of him. His options were not particularly pleasant, as Severus did not want to fight for blood purity nor did he want to die. Unfortunately for Severus he had to make a choice quickly, before it was too late. Only one option was truly available to him, as Severus had always been a Slytherin at heart. He would join the Dark Side.

Although he didn't like the idea of being branded by that man, he knew that he had to if he wanted to survive and Severus was focused on surviving at all times. After all, that was the only reason he had survived this long, both in the house of snakes and at home. So he would ignore his conscious for now, the stupid thing would only get him killed. Despite him ignoring his conscious, he couldn't help but think about what Lily would think about his decision. Severus thought that she'd probably hate him even more than she seemed to at the moment.

Lily had always had a very strong opinion on right and wrong, which was probably why she was sorted into Gryffindor rather than Slytherin. She had always hated anything that she considered wrong, and was stubborn when it came to forgiving people who had crossed her line. This was how he knew that despite his love for her and their many years of friendship, that she wouldn't/couldn't forgive him for calling her that.

Although being brought up as a muggle did not make her dumber, or less powerful as the blood purists thought, however it made her more naive when it came to the darker side of magic. Lily was unable to see the pressure put on children from dark families to uphold the family name, and assumed that anybody who joined the dark deserved their punishment. No matter the circumstances.

So Severus Snape allowed distance to grow between them, despite the fact that in doing so he hurt himself, and during the Christmas holiday he took the mark. For the rest of his school days he watched her from afar, but unable to approach her. Severus wished things were different, that his family was kinder, that the houses were less prejudiced, but most of all he wished that Lily Evans had loved him enough to save him.

_**AN: Thus my trend of extremely sad fics continues, do I write too many of these? Oh well... At least when they are sad they are reasonably good, nobody should see what happens when I try to write happy things… Shudders… That's all I have to say for now so...**_

_**Peace, Love and Chocolate Frogs.**_

_**Pottergeek100.**_


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